Smoke Me Out
by CaideSin
Summary: Mindless selfindulgence. [AxelRoxas][AU]
1. Marijuana

**Marijuana**

The first time Axel wakes up in that bed, his mouth tastes like exactly how much money he doesn't have. It's as if he'd minced up what little money he did have, rolled it in cigarette paper, lit it up and then smoked it. His mouth tastes like something burning and ass. Burning ass hairs. That's all there is to it: cheap hash tastes like shit.

So, his mouth is dry and he feels sort of like he hasn't slept for a week, even though he's just woken up. He's too sluggish to try moving, so the redhead stares at the ceiling. It's plain white, maybe a little gray from lingering dust and spider webs. There's a paisley-looking border in various tones of red, green and blue. It's kind of gaudy, but since it's the only color in the room, he supposes that it's a nice touch in its way.

He shifts a little, situating his head on the pillows and smacks his lips a bit, trying to overcome his cottonmouth and weed/morning (disgusting) breath. He longs for a piece of candy a peppermint or…what he really wants is one of those Atomic Fireballs.

He falls asleep again thinking about it.

**x**

The blond wakes up at a quarter to ten, glances at his clock, which displays not only the time but also the date, and establishes that it's Saturday, so he doesn't have any classes. He blinks slowly at the ceiling and considers scratching his leg, but promptly forgets he's thought it within seconds. He's very warm and comfortable, so the idea of doing anything is absolutely ludicrous. He pointedly ignores the way his mouth tastes, keeping his lips firmly glued closed and breathes in through his nose.

He feels his eyes slip shut.

He wants iHop for breakfast…

He falls asleep while contemplating how much money is in his wallet.

**x**

The next time his eyes open, Axel wonders where he is. His head feels a little less clouded and his body isn't quite so listless, so he gets up. He jostles the body next to him and gives his bedmate a clinical vet.

Well, that explains something, he supposes. He went home with somebody last night. That's what he'd planned on, but he'd also planned remembering it. He wonders if the other guy was a good lay or not. Oh well, what's done is done.

The bed is in a corner, pressed up against the wall to his left. He disentangles his naked limbs from the blankets and sits, back to the surface. He bridges his long legs over the other's body. From there he surveys the floor, wondering where his clothing is. Actually, what he wants _more_ is a cigarette.

He sits there, watching the motorized fan twirl. Once again his stare is on the ceiling and he notices that the clock projects the time in red numbers. It's almost noon, even though the room is dark. He looks for the windows. They're covered with Venetian blinds and thick red curtains. Only one slim beam of light comes through at the edges, making a thin trail of yellow on the wall several inches to the right of his shoulder.

The ceiling fan is old and it shakes dangerously and the motor clicks. Axel begins to count the clicks and the next time he glances at the clock it's almost one and his companion is finally stirring. Blue eyes look at him, still dull and groggy with sleep.

Axel smiles and asks for a cigarette. The other makes a noise of ascent and flops over, reaching blindly at his bedside table. When his hand finds nothing but the clock and the light, he lifts his head and scowls. He opens the drawers of the table and finds nothing there either. So the blue-eyed stranger stretches his body off the bed towards a gift bag on the floor full of letters. Axel watches the muscles in his back move as he sorts through the bag.

"It's fine if you don't have any," Axel smirks, thoroughly amused and slightly aroused.

"No, I have them," grumbles the blond. He leans upside down, reaching under the bed. He comes back up with a half pack and a lighter. He tosses them over "There."

Axel winks at him, but the blond doesn't notice. He's already lying back down in the bed and closing his eyes once more. Axel just smokes his fag because he hasn't been asked to leave. Before long his bedmate sighs and opens his eyes. He reaches up towards Axel's face and snags the cigarette.

He takes a deep, ribcage expanding, lung filling draw and holds it. Axel watches the lights flash behind those azure eyes as the nicotine storms through his body. The other guy rolls over and breathes out the smoke, holding the cigarette back to him. They smoke in amicable silence until it's nearly two.

Noises from the surrounding neighborhood, breathing, and the clicking of the fan are the only sounds until the blond rolls over and stares at him.

"Breakfast?"

"Sure."

**x**

The blond takes him out to eat after gently refusing to have sex with him again. Axel finds that just a little unfair, so he grins and calls the blond a cock tease. The redhead gets a benign smile in reply.

So, the man buys him breakfast and Axel supposes that makes it up. At least his mouth tastes like coffee and pancakes instead of something burning.

They really don't talk while they eat and afterwards Axel follows the blond home.

"I want to make sure I didn't leave anything," he says, patting at his pockets for emphasis. He just gets a shrug and there's no argument.

He gets the chance to comb through the guy's apartment. There's not much there, he only ends up hocking a lighter. He almost gives it back when his host appears in the living room with a blunt and offers to share with him.

Axel definitely doesn't refuse and once the room starts spinning good enough, his mouth starts going without asking his brain first.

"So, what's your name?"

The bland smile returns to the blue eyes' face. He stubs out the roach and walks towards the door.

"Time to go home," he says.

Axel is surprised, even though he gets it. "Right, won't be seeing you again then. I'd say you were a good fuck, if I could remember."

The blond shuts the door and Axel's just glad it doesn't hit him in the ass on the way out.

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts**


	2. Quaaludes

**Quaaludes**

This, Axel thinks happily, is what college is all about. Partying. No parents around to bitch him out and if the cops show up he just has to make sure he doesn't get caught. He's got no problem feeding someone else to the wolves in order to save his own skin.

The music is loud and the beer is cheap and warm, that's all right though. When he wants to toke he goes into town and finds a smokehouse. Tonight he just wants to get shit-faced drunk and any beer will do.

At the door he's greeted by the girls who invited him, he doesn't remember their names. One of them, the brunette, latches onto his arm, pressing her soft breasts against his arm. He grins because he likes that, even though he hasn't fucked a chick in four years. He's actually kind of impressed that all the girls in the house still have their shirts on.

So, girl-C is talking to him and he's only half listening as he looks around the room. He recognizes a couple faces from his classes, because he does, in fact, go to class sometimes. Actually, a lot of the kids look like high schoolers, hell. Well, it's about then that he notices the body on the couch. He raises an eyebrow and asks about it.

Blonde-girl-B frowns and stalks over to the guy. Her friends and Axel follow, only out of curiosity, of course.

She's bitching him out and Axel feels bad for him. He wonders how the poor fucker was even sleeping, it's a goddam din, pounding music and yelling people.

Little miss blonde with her little white dress and big blue eyes is seriously pissed and Axel can feel all her anger pouring off her.

"You are so embarrassing! How do you think this makes me look? You're my brother! Act like it!" She stomps her foot and her brother doesn't even move from where he's face down on the ragged couch. The girl takes one of her sandaled feet and kicks him. That gets the guys attention, he sits up wearily and Axel can see how glassy his eyes are. Kid is buzzed.

"Naminé…shut up."

Blondie glowers at her brother, smacks him across the face and stalks off. Her friends rush after her and Axel just fucking laughs. The redhead plops down onto the couch beside the harassed brother and just downright grins. He laughs for longer than he probably needs to because the other guy isn't saying anything. He leans back into the couch and his eyes slip closed, intent on falling back asleep, but Axel doesn't let him because he's got a question.

"What are you on and where did you get it?"

One blue eye opens and a slow smile spreads across his pointed face. "You don't seem the type to do Quaaludes," he mumbles. It's so quiet that Axel seriously has to strain his ears, but, once he sorts it out in his head, he doesn't blame the guy for having trouble getting out the words.

"Aren't those kind of out of style?" Axel jibes.

The guy laughs a little and, whatever he says, it's slurred and completely unintelligible.

Axel gives a little snort. "Stay here buddy, I'm gonna get some drinks."

By the time he returns the blond is asleep again, but Axel doesn't mind. He sits on the couch beside him anyway. Sometimes the kid wakes up and the more smashed Axel gets, the more hilarious their conversations become.

He's lost count of beers and it's late at night but the party is not dying down at all, it's gotten loud and definitely reckless. There's a pair having sex on the coffee table and, when something catches fire and the police and the fire fighters show up, Axel is seriously too fucked up to do anything.

It's hot and smoky and damn noisy and suddenly he's outside and being tugged along and he has no idea by whom. All he knows is that he can't keep up this pace for long. He sort of stumbles and then he's drawn into an alleyway. He swaggers and slams into his savior. Whoever it is makes a pained sound and pushes him away, wincing and rubbing at an injured head, slammed against the bricks.

Axel tries to slur out an apology, but he's winded and his companion doesn't care. It sounds like people are approaching and they take off running again.

People shout at them as they sprint by, because they knock a couple of pedestrians over and Axel smashes into an outdoor café table. He breathes out curses as he runs, his sweaty hand caught in another sweaty hand, as he's dragged along.

They duck inside a building and the other guy tells him he absolutely has to be quiet and they get into an elevator and go up and up and up…The florescent lights make his head hurt, he closes his eyes and rubs at his temples. He's taken blindly down a hallway and he hears the clink of keys and the unlocking of a door.

Axel gets pushed down onto a mattress and wonders if he's about to get laid. Well, until he hears the footsteps walking away and his rescuer muttering about a 'fucking buzz kill'.

Then Axel falls the fuck asleep.

**x**

It isn't rare for Axel to wake up in a strange bed and it isn't inconceivable for him to wake up in a strange bed with a killer hangover. He sits up too fast and the room spins and spots burst before his eyes. He collapses against the wall with a groan, pressing the heels of his hands into his eye sockets, like that'll help. When he takes them away, a strip of sunlight blinds him.

After cursing for a few minutes, the redhead gets up unsteadily and stumbles out into the rest of the apartment. He finds a blond, sitting on a couch, in the living and watching TV. Axel runs into the end table and curses again, so the guy turns and raises his eyebrow. Axel isn't in the mood to appreciate the sardonic gesture.

"What time is it?"

Blue eyes turn back to the TV, pulling up the guide with the remote. "Two thirty."

Axel stares at the guy because he's got this weird déjà vu going. The blond hair is messy like he's been fucking recently and his eyes are these fucking beautiful big blue doe-eyes and his face sharp and…

"Have I ever had sex with you?" Axel wonders, his brow furrowing.

The blond gives him a surprised look and gets up, wandering into the kitchen. Axel scrambles to follow and he knocks over a potted plant along the way, which he doesn't bother to right. He finds the man rummaging through his cabinets and Axel presses the question.

After his host finds what he's looking for, a bottle of pills, he answers. "Once," he says before swallowing two of the tablets and holding out several more in offering.

"Last night?" Axel pursues, accepting them into the palm of his hand. They're orange, smaller than pennies, and have the letters A and S printed into them. More narcotics…Axel stuffs them into his pocket for when he gets back to his place. Right now he's interested in this guy and wants answers before Blondie is out of commission.

"No," shrugs the blond, who then heads for the bedroom, he stops in the doorway, half blocking the entryway, the door itself blocks the rest.

"When?"

"Month ago."

"What's your name?"

"Go home."

Then the bedroom door is shut in his face and Axel hears it lock. Axel's just glad the blond didn't slam it, what for his hangover. He looks around the apartment, finds nothing worth stealing and then leaves.

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts**


	3. Cocaine

**Cocaine**

It's not that he dislikes any of the veritable cornucopias of other drugs. It's just that, if asked, he would say coke is definitely his vice.

His memory of the party is hazy, but he remembers the blond guessing he wasn't the type to do Quaaludes, which was absolutely fucking correct. He doesn't want sedatives. He wants to go up, up, _fucking_ up.

But sometimes he makes due, he takes what he can get, because he's only a poor college student.

Wait. Back up. The blond.

Axel has been seeing him everywhere since that party. In class, on campus, on the bus, at the clubs and…Axel hasn't gotten up the balls to talk to him again. He doesn't know what it is about the guy that turns him on and puts him off at the same time, but all he does is watch from afar.

The redhead keeps track of how many times he sees the other man during the day. The record is twelve, but Axel thinks that, maybe today, he'll break the record. It isn't even noon yet and he's already at seven.

Despite the freakiness of it, Axel doesn't think he's being stalked. He just thinks they have similar interests. He thinks they have mutual acquaintances.

He _knows_ that one is true when he goes out on Friday night. Luxord has called earlier in the day to tell him that Bob is in town and that means that most of the druggies in the city will be creaming themselves with glee. Luxord invites him over so he can be first in line.

So, he's tramping down the streets late Friday night and he's freezing. He's been trying to save some money for this and it's practically burning a hole in his pocket. He gets to the door, knocks and the voice that answers him isn't Luxord.

Axel groans. "Hey, Marluxia." The door opens and there stands the fairy queen himself. "Aren't you all dressed up with no place to go."

Marluxia has on more glitter than is decent and is dressed like a goddam poof. He's the stereotypical faggot, except for his bitch of a left jab.

"Blow me, Axel," the man replies, fiddling with his earring, attempting to affect nonchalance.

"You actually have a dick?" Axel sneers and pushes his way inside. He hears Marluxia call after him, but he ignores the pansy. He has other friends to greet, a drug dealer to find, and some cocaine to obtain.

He feels up Demyx and then goes to greet Luxord but, halfway through his conversation with the host, he notices a certain tussled head of blond hair. Luxord follows his eyes and a grin spreads across his face. He calls to the guy, acting like some kind of awful matchmaker.

"Axel, this is our new little friend, Clyde."

The blond just blinks his big blue eyes and quirks a little smile. Axel can't believe this shit.

"Clyde?" he repeats, mouth dry. "That isn't actually your name, is it?"

The guy's smile sharpens. "No." Then he walks away and Axel stares after him for a long time until he hears Luxord laughing at him. Marluxia and Demyx have joined him, they also look too smug for their own good.

Axel stands there with them for a while, annoyed and he's kind of embarrassed to be caught staring like a little schoolgirl but…he doesn't actually stop staring. Luxord's invited maybe eight people to this little 'party' and Axel knows them all…except 'Clyde', who has himself situated at the opposite end of the room, listening to Xigbar.

"So," Axel begins, interrupting whatever conversation his friends were having. "Do you guys actually know anything about him?"

"Who? Clyde?" Demyx answers. "Not really, he doesn't talk much."

"But he looks like he'd be fabulous in bed," Marluxia swoons and Axel considers vomiting.

"What's with the crappy name?"

"Who cares? Shut up and watch where you poke your nose," Luxord advises and Axel isn't satisfied with the answer. He turns to look at the blond, who is still just drinking his beer and listening to Xigbar, completely oblivious to the lust and fascination he inspires.

**x**

Bob enters the apartment at eleven and he's hailed in with joy. He has a briefcase full of goods and he's craving for cash. So, he sits on the couch and deals one by one. He says hello to all his regulars and gives them their usuals. The new kid doesn't escape his notice.

Bob has a crooked smile that fits his 'profession' perfectly. "Haven't seen you before. How'd you get invited?"

'Clyde' matches the grin with ease; it just slides right onto his face. "I made the right friends," he says.

Marluxia sidles up beside them, slinging an arm around the blonde's waist. "Robert, don't be rude, Clyde's a cute kid. A real gem, you know?"

The dealer gives the fop a dry stare. "Well, as long as I have your endorsement."

"I have the money," the purportedly 'cute kid' intones softly and that's enough for Bob.

Clyde gets his stash and is then promptly dragged away by Marluxia. The two of them do a line each and then Marly tries to get the blond into bed. But Clyde is no different than Axel has seen before: he refuses and makes a hasty retreat. He bids goodbye to everyone else and Axel hopes he doesn't notice he's being followed.

They're just walking through the city and Axel hears the blond sniffing and rubbing at his nose and occasionally scratching vigorously at his skin. They go like that all the way to the guy's apartment building. Axel only half recognizes it, because he's _left_ this place twice, he doesn't remember his trips in. He follows past the swinging glass doors and the lobby is plain and boring, so Axel pays no attention to it, just ponders what he wants to do from here. He could run up the stairs or take the elevator afterwards…and he's become a stalker, what the fuck.

Clyde turns around though, standing at the elevator with the doors held open. He's holding the back of his hand under his nose, fingers twitching as he waits impatiently.

"Hurry the fuck up," he says, eye ticking.

They stand in the elevator together and when the lights flicker Clyde makes a terrified noise, while Axel just chalks it up to shitty wiring. Then again, he isn't the one gacked.

In between floors, the mechanism lurches and Clyde is pressed to his side and Axel can feel exactly how fast his heart is beating, it's like a goddam hummingbird. He's suddenly a little relieved that he'd followed the blond, 'cause he's more than a _little _buzzed. Axel has to pull him bodily from the elevator, down the hall and to his door. Clyde somehow manages to get his keys and turn them in the lock. He goes in and collapses onto the couch immediately. His left hand has blood from his nose, whose flow of blood has slowed to a trickle. His arm is hanging limp over the edge of the couch, fingertips brushing the carpet.

"You know," Axel smirks, wondering if the blond is a.) coherent and b.) would he even be able to get it up should Axel try something. "You're pretty open about letting me in here. What if I was a cop or something?"

The blond turns his head, a huge smile on his face, and breaks down laughing. "I-I I'm not worried," he chatters.

Axel walks forward, sitting down on the coffee table and staring at the man. Those fucking sapphire eyes are absolutely brilliant when he's high. They become shiny and glassy.

"Why's that?" Axel grins.

Clyde giggles and it sounds kind of like the trill of a small bird. "You're a stoner, I can tell." He sticks out his tongue and Axel's cock raises it's head in interest. "Oh my God, it's Harvey!"

Axel realizes then that Clyde is _gone_. He's completely sucked into his conversation with an imaginary rabbit. He keeps watching the blond for a little bit longer because…Marluxia is right about one thing. He looks like he would be great in bed.

Axel smiles and wanders around the apartment until he finds a sharpie. The redhead writes on the back of the white door in big black letters. Date, time and place, signed: Axel.

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts**


	4. Ecstasy

**Ecstasy**

The blond is officially an issue. He's everywhere and Axel keeps looking for some kind of sign that he's been acknowledged, but Clyde, God he hates that stupid fake name, is a bastard.

The date he left in big sharpie letters on Clyde's apartment door is today and the time is tonight and the place is the bar that Auron runs in town and Axel has no idea if the blond is going to _show_ or not. He tries to go up and talk to the sneaky little fucker, but a group of other students completely gets in his way.

"Fuck, Tidus, move your ass!"

"What about my ass, Axel?"

"Ugh, Wakka, your faggot is oozing queer all over me!"

"What was that about a faggot, Axel?"

"Shut up and get out of my way!"

By the time he pushes through them and dodges Selphie, he's lost his target.

**x **

Axel almost doesn't go down to the club. It's called Over Drive and he's told the stodgy old bastard that the name is ridiculous, but that was the time that Auron stabbed him with the cutting knife, still dripping with vegetable juices.

For some indiscernible reason he goes anyway, fully prepared to be stood up but when he arrives…The blond is there, casually having a drink at the bar. He looks hot and Axel tries not to jump his bones.

One way or another he sidles over with some kind of confident air, even though those blue eyes completely fucking disarm him. It's like being five and powerlessly watching Bambi's mom die all over again.

"I didn't think you would show up."

"I didn't think I would show up either," Clyde responds. "What were you smoking? You wrote on my door with a sharpie."

"Uh," and Axel fumbles again. "I wanted to make sure you saw it."

"You're buying the paint."

Axel feels a smirk pull at his lips. "I'll come over and paint it and everything."

"Tcch," the blond sneers, tilting his head back and downing the contents of his glass. Axel beams at Auron and asks for whatever the kid is having and he ends up with a glass of gin and he's impressed. Though, like the Quaaludes…the mouthful of junipers seems to be just Clyde's speed. Shit, that pun isn't funny.

"Well, I'm just flattered you looked past the little incident with the marker and came anyway," Axel soothes, moving in closer.

"And the incident at the party. Do you realize you _vomit_ in your sleep?" says the blond, bemusement painted all across his face, it's almost a defined shape, like the teardrop tattoos Axel has on his cheeks.

Though, they don't often convey his emotions accurately. What he's actual feeling is horny and amused and a little bit drunk after downing the whole glass of gin. He can feel the fucking burn in his throat.

"Do you realize this is the most we've spoken, in any of our encounters?" he returns and slides ever closer. It looks like 'Clyde' is getting friendlier as well, so Axel decides to go for it. "What's your name?" It's low and sultry, tones carried under the beat of the music. He watches the blonde's long, Bambi eyelashes flutter and…Auron slams another pair of drinks down onto the counter, causing them both to jump.

Those blue eyes seem almost guilty, but he smiles lazily at Axel and says, "Clyde."

"You're too hot for such a gay name," Axel protests, the redhead reaches out, trying to reclaim the simmering sexual tension that he'd had a second before and Clyde leaves the stool, slipping out of his reach.

"Sorry you don't like my name, Asshole."

"It isn't really your name," Axel grumbles, following after his date onto the dance floor.

He's surprised at how nimble the blond is, considering they've both had a glass and a half of gin. Axel looks at the other man critically and determines that, due to his tiny size, he should be a lightweight. But Clyde's face isn't red, his speech is unimpeded, and his steps are sure.

His body is a sinuous thing that slips away every time Axel actually tries to touch him and he wonders, what has he done to be tortured like this? They spend literal hours like that, dancing like every other couple except Clyde slips away to someone _else_ if Axel doesn't keep his hands to _himself_. The club fills, slowly but surely, until it's as bustling as any other place in town.

More bodies get pressed in on one another and it gets hot, Axel heads back to the drinks, which he knows Auron will have saved for them. As he slinks towards his spot at the bar, he sees the drinks and someone lacing the one set to the left, Clyde's. Axel looks for Auron, but the bartender has been drawn away by a large party just come in.

Axel goes forward to beat the shit out of the guy, but he dissolves into the crowd and suddenly his blond is at his side reaching for his glass.

"Someone slipped something in there."

One fair eyebrow rises, eyeing the glass. "What do you think it was?"

"I'd guess ecstasy."

The blond grins and drinks it. "All right then," he announces gamely.

Axel is too pleased to be stunned. He's beginning to understand just what it is about Clyde that he likes. He's damn straightforward and, after the drug gets into his system, his body presses even closer than before. Axel doesn't even bother trying to keep the man from feeling the erection throbbing between his legs. The redhead doesn't bother quieting his panting, because the blond is panting louder and smiling and his face has finally flushed and his eyes are bright and he's so gorgeous when he's high…

Clyde turns around, pressing them front-to-front and sighs. "Axel."

"Yeah?"

"You were right."

"About what?"

"My drink."

"Oh." Axel's trying not to leer, but he's leering.

"Take me home."

Augh, disappointment! "Ah, sure…"

They worm their way through the crowd. Axel gives Auron a salute, mentions his tab and escapes before the old man can throw a knife at him. They get out onto the street and as they're walking, he feels a hand slide into his own. He looks down at his date in surprise.

"You're the type to keep condoms in your wallet, right?" Clyde wonders drolly.

"Gah," says Axel, because, no, he doesn't. They walk in silence again and they're nearly at the blonde's apartment, and their hands are still linked and…Axel really wants to get laid and not by just _anyone_.

"You know, if you don't, we can still fuck," Clyde stares up at him with those eyes that should be on the most beautiful girl in the world, but there was some kind of mix-up and they got stuck on this _guy_. "I didn't drink that for no reason."

"And here I was getting the distinct impression that you didn't like me."

They're in the elevator and Clyde is pulling off his clothes. Axel considers stopping him, but doesn't.

"Shut up. Touch me."

The elevator doors open and Axel steers him towards his apartment. They get inside, on the couch and Axel wonders if it was this hot the first time. He has several rounds and several locations throughout the apartment to ponder.

**x**

This is the third time Axel has woken up in this bed. As he sits up, he deftly avoids the maddening slot of sunshine left unblocked by the maroon curtains. The blond is still asleep beside him, his small body presses seamlessly to his own and their skin is warm and sticky and…Axel grins wide. He stoops low and tongues the delicate flesh behind Clyde's ear. He thinks of him as 'the blond' in his head and absolutely refuses to call him 'Clyde' with his voice, because it's a fucking stupid name and some day, he swears, he'll get the real one. Meanwhile, Clyde stirs and stares up at him with smiling blue eyes.

"Breakfast?"

"Cocaine?"

"That too."

"Sex?"

"Greedy."

"Hmm?"

"_Oh_."

**x**

Axel's nose is tingling and he's less unsure with his captivating little blond and he feels more alert, but he still half-misses what he says.

"So, when should we go out again?"

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts**


	5. Heroin

**Heroin**

Clyde does more drugs than he does. Axel is happy with coke or reefer or even just some alcohol. The blond has something to numb and he does whatever he can get his hands on. Axel has been noticing the delicate needle tracks on the inside of his arms for months now. He's not the blonde's mother though, so he says nothing.

On campus, Clyde still acts as if they don't know each other. Axel doesn't know why. There are a lot of things about him that Axel doesn't know and he realizes he probably shouldn't care, except, he likes the guy. He's different, _special_ and everyone agrees.

Marluxia and Demyx are absolutely in love with him. Fuck, even Auron likes him and…Axel spots Clyde's sister, Naminé, sometimes. He thinks about asking her and then he thinks about what Clyde's reaction would be and somehow stops himself.

Axel doesn't usually talk to his blond on campus, so he's surprised when the man sidles up beside him during class, Clyde doesn't even take this class. Axel stares at him and Clyde's eyes smile back.

"Do you have any candy?" Garbage breath and asking for candy…does the guy ever stop?

"No," Axel snorts, the redhead gets a little frown in return and then a shrug.

"Guess what I have." Clyde whispers next.

"What?" Axel returns grinning, now over the initial shock, he can play this game.

"Pfft, I said guess and if you can't guess, you'll just have to come over tonight and see."

"Can I take that as an official invitation?" He'd been thrown out, quite politely, two weeks ago, for asking about the blonde's real name again.

"Mmhmm."

"I'll be there."

**x**

His classes are out, he's considering bringing food to Clyde's, and suddenly his cell phone rings. He checks it and…Luxord?

"Yo."

"Clyde isn't looking too healthy."

"Maybe he's sick."

"Maybe he just got a little present from Bob last night…"

Axel pauses and swallows thickly. "So?"

"Not that it's any of my concern, but I think he's gone from stoner to addict."

"That is a risk," Axel growls.

"He's your boy toy, not mine, Axel," Luxord snaps back. "But you're both my friends. He's about to fuck himself up. Don't come crying to me."

Luxord disconnects on him.

**x**

Axel shows up at the apartment with Chinese take-out held in a plastic grocery bag. He knocks on the door and waits and thinks. Seven months and he still doesn't have a key to this place…

The blond appears in the door, all soft smiles, and lets him in. Axel kicks the door shut behind him, they've never actually gotten around to repainting it.

"I'm glad you brought food," the blond says, digging eagerly through the bag and Axel feels a lump rising in his throat.

"What's this great surprise?"

"Can we eat first?" Ugh, those damn eyes! Innocence in an optic.

"Yeah, sure."

So, it's noodles and rice for half an hour and all Axel does is think about Luxord's call and all the questions that Axel doesn't know the answers to.

Clyde stuffs the leftovers into the fridge and pulls Axel along towards his bedroom. It's the same old empty room with its garish border and white walls. Axel thinks about it some more and there are no posters, no pictures of family, nothing. The entire apartment is just a big physical representation of the blonde's secrets.

The blond flattens himself to the floor and crawls under the bed, because somehow everything ends up under there; cigarettes, lighters, books, shoes, and apparently this little metal box. Something clanks around inside of it and Axel wants to say...he doesn't know what.

"I got this from Bob…"

_I know._

"Cost a pretty penny…"

_You never have trouble with money._

"Axel?"

"Huh?" Axel responds dumbly.

"Speedball."

"Oh."

Those fucking _eyes_ blink at him like nothing is wrong and he's confused about Axel's reactions.

"I'm not pressuring you."

_You never do._

"But I'm…"

"Little shy around needles, buddy." It's a lie. Axel never backs down from a challenge but Luxord's words are in his head and he really looks at the blond. There are bags under his eyes, which at the corners are bloodshot, his hair always looks messy but now it's kind of lank, his skin looks wrong and…

He's got two needles and one is going into Clyde's arm and Axel winces for him. Intravenous…eight to seven seconds…he remembers that from somewhere. There's too much junk in Clyde's system and Axel doesn't think it's just his choice of fun anymore. Shit, when did he grow a fucking conscience?

The blonde's pupils shrink until Axel can barely even see them and it's just clear blue seas. Glazed and bright and gorgeous and…bloodshot. Fuck.

"You sure?" the blond asks, his fingers clasped around the lid of his little box and he sounds as if he really doesn't want Axel to refuse.

Axel can't say the drug is too _hard_ for him. "That shit can kill you," he says instead.

Clyde blinks at him again and then he frowns, shutting his tin and shoving it back under the bed. He doesn't say anything in response and gets up unsteadily to his feet and…Axel knows what's about to happen. He's used to the blonde's idiosyncrasies by now and he's about to get thrown out. The redhead never really knows what exactly sets him off, just the signs afterwards.

Axel follows the man out into the living room, where the big black letters stare at him from the back of the white door and it's like it's carved there forever, their first date. Axel wonders how the blond can throw him out through that same door, time and time again, with that glaring at him.

Clyde is opening the door, so Axel goes over, puts out a hand and shuts it, staring down at the shorter.

"Our friends are worried about you." Hide behind the others, nice, Axel.

"Friends?" The blond is angry; Axel has never seen him_ truly_ angry before. He's cool and laid back, like…a chronic fiend and that's the whole problem. "What friends?"

"Don't pull this shit," Axel answers. "The friends we hang with. Demyx, Auron, Xigbar, _Gods_ fucking _Marluxia_. _Those_ friends."

Clyde laughs and shakes his head, smiling. "You of all people should know I just needed to get close to Bob."

Axel feels something weird inside of him and it's kind of dying. "Me too?"

The blond is laughing too hard to respond, his body is on complete euphoria overload. He crouches down, clutching his stomach and giggling insipidly. Eventually, he gets around to replying.

"Y-you wouldn't be complaining if you'd…"

"Hey," Axel's temper has never been the best. "Fuck it. Listen to me!"

"Axel, j-just leave."

So, he does.

**x**

Axel gets all the way down to Auron's bar before he begins to reconsider. He goes inside and almost orders a drink before he realizes he doesn't care. He just slumps against the bar and Auron asks him what's up but he doesn't answer.

"You were fighting with him again."

It's not really a question and Axel sighs. That's as good an answer as any. He sits there for…the redhead doesn't know, and Auron is talking to him again.

"Maybe you should give it up," he suggests dryly and the very idea makes Axel want to be very ill.

"I'm going to go talk to him," he decides and doesn't really mean it because the blond is probably crashing hard. Well, knowing Clyde, he took a sedative immediately and is sleeping, but Axel is going to the apartment anyway because…because…because.

Axel isn't really that surprised to arrive at the apartment and find the door open. The place is sort of trashed, or, as trashed as it can be, because there really isn't much in it at all. The potted plants are overturned, the end table is smashed and…

He sighs and wishes he hadn't left. He goes into the barren room, searching out his blond. Axel finds him in his bedroom, laying there, one of his hands pressed against the wall. Two of his pale fingers are alighted by the thin strip of sunlight that has dodged the curtains.

"Hey," Axel greets, coming closer. The blond looks at him, he's breathing slowly and his face shows that he's been crying.

"I'm sorry." And Axel is kind of stunned because Clyde never apologizes for anything he does. He kicks Axel out for nothing, then a day or a week later he comes back as if nothing has happened.

"I just want to know what the fuck is going on," Axel decides, planting himself firmly on the edge of the bed.

"I'm not going to tell you my life's story."

"And I don't want to hear it."

"What do you want then?"

"Your name, man." Axel stares at him and blue eyes meet green and…Axel wonders how his eyes look to others. "You do realize we've been involved or what-the-fuck-ever for nearly a year and I don't know your real name. All I know is you've got some kind of past that you don't want to talk about, much less think about, and that's fucking fine. Just do your future with me." And…Axel is kind of stunned because that was sappy and the equivalent of a love confession and he doesn't _do_ that shit.

Well, the blond just nods. "Hi Axel, I'm Roxas."

"Nice to meet you."

* * *

_End_

**

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts**


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